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President Bush Reveals Reasons For CUW Speech
CONCORDIA. Adding fuel to the flames on the hotbed of political interest that is Concordia University Wisconsin, President George W. Bush made public this past week his motivation for choosing to come to CUW to give a commencement address.

Prior to this year, President Bush had no idea Concordia existed.  That all changed back in January when he stumbled upon a copy of The Shadow one of his aides left on his desk after downloading it and printing off a copy. “I loved it,” said Bush.  “A University with such talent for the satirical must be recognized.  I plan to heavily praise The Shadow in my next weekly radio address.”

Bush says he would have never considered visiting the campus before discovering The Shadow. “I usually only have the opportunity to campai… ahem, speak in places that are debating exceptionally controversial political issues,” he said. “But when a situation such as meeting with the writers and editors of this fine publication presents itself, quite frankly, I’d be a fool to miss that opportunity.”

Some students and faculty wonder if even the President will be able to find out who exactly is behind The Shadow. “It’s been what, two years now?” remarked professor of evilology Petroff Shilensky. “These guys are smart. They’re covert. They move among the shadows. You just can’t find people who live in the shadows. Trust me, I know.”

Until this recent announcement, many students still believed it was all hype. “I just thought he was gonna tape a little one minute speech that was going to be played on some sort of screen on stage,” said junior Pre-Law major Steve Zhamnov. “I mean really, the President of the United States? Here in person? That’s just too hard to believe.” Sophomore Marketing major Billy Vestigal echoed Zhamnov’s sentiment. “The parking situation here is bad enough. Where would the president and his 500 secret service agents park? It’s just not feasible if you ask me.”

Senior Computer Science major Javon Howler has a much different perspective. “All these people that don’t believe it… they’re just in denial. They’re mad that they’re not the ones graduating this year. Either that or they work for that other newspaper and can’t stand The Shadow getting all the recognition.”

Bush went on to mention that he has recently signed an executive order for all copies of The Shadow to be framed in special cases and mounted along the halls of the U.S. National Archives and Records Administration, forever shining as a beacon for all who wish to produce good, quality journalism and, to use the President’s words, “unmatched, outright hilarity.”

The Shadow humbly accepts the President's endorsement. President Bush donates his personal copy of the 13th Edition.


Who knows what secrets lurk on the campus of CUW? The Shadow knows!