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“We know that sales are down,” explained a bookstore spokesperson in a press conference held Monday. “The supply is greater than the demand. It’s hard to compete when the students can purchase their books for much less using sites like collegebookstoressuck.com. Our business model wasn’t working. We had to adapt. The only constant is change. That’s why our new policy is so reasonable. No more shelling out $90. We’ve reduced the price to an arm and a leg.”

Some students call the change unnecessary since their parents buy all the books anyways, but those who use their own hard earned money say that an arm and a leg really isn’t too far fetched.

“It’s a relief to be honest,” said sophomore Jack Kerwon who spent half his life savings on textbooks last year. “I know I’ll be able to afford textbooks now. It’s not what you think. The bookstore is providing prosthetic limbs. They’re better than anything made of flesh, of course. Not as pretty, but…well let’s just say you won’t burn your hands again, and they’ll give you an edge in arm wrestling. It’s an even trade and the bookstore has an implanting booth right next to the amputation booth right near the checkout.”

Asked what they will do with the amputated limbs, the bookstore explained that the flesh is shipped to the publishers who are using it to create a new, environmentally friendly form of paper.

“It’s weird to think,” said Kerwon, “That this time next year I could be using my robot hand to read about anatomy on paper made out of the stuff that was me.”

The prosthetic hands are excellent can openers.	The new price of knowledge.