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“The lighting was poor that day,” recalled professor Oswald Humphrey in response to a question about why six students received a 0% on the exam with the rest failing to score higher than 40%. “And if I remember correctly, the test was taken on Friday the 13th. I might add that this ‘class’ is the sorriest bunch of wannabes I’ve ever encountered in the realms of academia. They can hardly manage differential equations let alone Quantum Hyper Leap Theory. I think the registrar’s office might have made a mistake by letting this troupe of shameful clowns into this class.”

The class, Quantum Reality: Beyond Physics, has been offered by professor Humphreys for years, but never taught since no student ever qualified to take it. This year, the registrar’s office somehow ignored prerequisites and a group of thirty curious fools, intrigued by the class’ title, unwittingly signed up for the pain.

“This is nonsense,” said David Sheir who is taking the class and failed the exam. “The questions on the exam had nothing to do with anything Humphreys said in class. In fact, now that I think about it, he never said anything in class at all, he just cracked bad jokes and laughed it up about his days serving as Stephen Hawking’s apprentice.”

Humphreys says that the question on the exam asking who Stephen Hawking is proves that he did indeed include material on the test that was related to what he talked about in class. “Remind me to rearrange the particles that make up the registrar’s office,” Humphreys said as he kicked us out of his office.

Professor Humphreys, at least attempting to teach.