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Home Page Your e-mails are welcome. Send all e-mail to theoriginalshadowstaff -at- gmail.com |
 Information Technology Department. The Concordia Information Technology department claimed Tuesday that they had finally pinpointed the cause of the network outages students experienced upon arrival a few weeks back. "All the problems were caused by an ice cream man in New Orleans," explained Information Technology P.R. minion David Chatney. "His name is Rob Salle. He sells ice cream from a little stand in downtown New Orleans. In his spare time he surfs the net from a laptop in his backroom. When a gallon of gummy-worm ice cream spilled on his computer, it caused network outages in various places around the country." Chatney explained that the gummy-worms from Salle’s Ice Cream combined with the small dosages of radiation emitted by the monitor to form the first known "ice-cream worm" computer virus. "The virus appeared in people’s emails under the subject line ‘Delicious Gummy Worm Ice Cream’. When they people opened up the email, the gummy worms came out of their screen and their computer forwarded the message on to all of the people in their address book. When the message got around to Concordia, things went downhill fast. At one point we opened up our servers and found them crawling with ice cream gummy worms. We soon learned that the gummy worms were not only breeding, but with each new generation their intelligence was increased exponentially." For a time, Chatney said, they tried fighting the gummy worms by eating them. "They tasted good," Chatney admitted, "I have to admit, if I’m ever in New Orleans I’ll have to stop by Rob’s ice cream stand. However, eating them just wasn’t working. There was only one thing to do. We had to ask the Pre-history department if we could use their time machine. They said yes, so then the head of Information Technology had me go back in time and prevent Salle from ever purchasing a laptop. So actually, now that all is said and done, there never was an outage. The internet was never down, at least not in this continuum." Asked to comment on the situation, ice cream man Rob Salle said he has never owned a computer and had no clue what we were talking about. "I’ve run this stand for forty years," Salle said, "And I never cause no trouble. My ice cream is really good. The best in town. If I ever had an ice cream problem would I blame it on some technology people? No. So why are these people blaming their technology problems on ice cream. It’s nuts. Speaking of nuts, would you like nuts on that sundae?"
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