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Wisconsin. So you want to know what the weather’s gonna be like. You want to defy the laws of time and peer into the future to catch a glimpse of what will be going on in Wisconsin throughout this school year. Are you sure? My friend, I’ve seen the future of weather and it is not bright and sunny. Nor is it warm and comforting. There are things ahead that will chill

Matthew Moriarity: Weatherman

Enjoy your brief moments in the sun. Sad to say, they will pass over you like the shadows of roaming clouds, disappearing forever into the mists of memory. All that lies ahead is misery and gloom: the sky will be gray for weeks on end. It will start getting dark out at about 3:30 in the afternoon. Then the snow will come and consume everything. It won’t be nice, friendly puffy snow, the kind that makes the world look like Christmas. No, I am saddened to report that it will be evil snow: the kind of snow that attacks you as soon as you set foot outside, the type of snow that aims for your eyes and your nostrils. Before and after the snow there will be horrible freezing rain and sleet and hail and they will beset themselves upon you if you dare to leave campus. In those times you will cry out in regret and wish you had not wasted the precious warmth of summer on work, TV and soda. Oh how awful it will be for commuters in those days when the roads are little better than ice-skating rinks and the wicked clouds brood and conspire in the heavens...